Blueprint for

Lawful, Absurdist, Bloodless

Revolution

PHASE 1: ELECTION

Based on precedent set in 2024, Luigi Mangione is eligible to serve as president regardless of the result of his trial. He is an ideal candidate for the B4LABR movement.

B4LABR consists of three pillars.

First, delay the hastening decay of democracy by promoting legislation to establish mandatory ranked voting at all levels of government.

Second, deny any proposal to exploit our national parks and dedicate America to meeting the goals of the Paris Climate Accords.

Third, depose any CEO whose income exceeds employees' median income by more than 1,000%. Depositions will be televised live before congress.

PHASE 2: EXECUTION

The Supreme Court has ruled that the president is not liable for any act committed in the execution of presidential duties.

One-on-one meetings will be arranged between the president and any legislator or CEO found in opposition to B4LABR's three pillars.

Reconciliation will be achieved by any means necessary, up to and including legal force.

PHASE 3: ENRICHMENT

TO DEFEAT PARODY,

PARODY PARODY!

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Help support and defend the B4LABR movement against future lawsuits by buying some merch! It contributes to the economy!

Or you could thanklessly donate to a "real" politician only to be overshadowed by oligarchs. It's a free country. For now...

Disclaimer: I neither condone nor promote violence. This site is whatever percent parody/satire is necessary to protect it under Fair Use and the First Amendment.